​TEXTING OR CHEATING?

“Hey! Where are you engrossed? Who are you texting??”

“Oh! Nothing, just an old friend! Was just catching up”

For that half-an-hour or so, you only concentrate on the conversation and it is making you forget your partner’s presence in the same room, it is making you smile, you are praising them, giving compliments, you are enjoying being in that ‘virtual world’.

Your partner gets hold of your chats and is clearly not comfortable and when confronted you simply laugh at them, get angry and mock them for over-reacting. There is nothing wrong in it! That is not cheating after all!

Fine! Let’s have a look at this scenario.

You are at home alone and you invited someone of the opposite sex, to have a ‘conversation’ in the privacy of your bedroom with doors locked.

 Your spouse suddenly walks in! You are immediately guilty.

Clear act of cheating! Right?

Well, what is cheating anyway?

An obvious answer to this is physical infidelity or starting an affair with someone outside your relationship.

Well of course yes!

But what about the gray areas of having an ‘emotional affair’!  Something most of us do almost ‘unknowingly’ like how our mind wanders and pretty soon we are on facebook or WhatsApp messaging someone other than your significant other? Is it fun, a harmless flirting, or is it evidence of infidelity?

Maybe it’s your best friend that you’ve known for years,  or your junior from college, or colleagues, fact is you’re texting them a lot lately. The conversations have gotten a little too flirty (so many winky faced emojis!), you’re in bad territory.

Infidelity occurs much before having actual sex with someone and in today’s culture it can very well initiate with ‘one harmless text conversation’.

You would agree that kissing another women or man would be a huge no, if you are in a relationship but on the contrary sending kiss emojis to another women and men is completely cool in virtual world. How is that not cheating?

The tell-tale sign that you’re possibly cheating is that you feel the need to hide it from your significant other, you delete entire conversation or individual messages, you know they would get angry if they read the entire conversation, so you start blaming them for the ‘not trusting you’.  If you’re trying to hide something there’s the element of betrayal. Not only does this mean you feel guilty, it shows that you’re potentially looking for something elsewhere and you know it’ll hurt their feelings.

The simple fact is that people who cheat, lie. If you’re covering your tracks so your partner can’t catch you in the act, you’re being sketchy and unfair, whether sex is involved or not.

The question many of us might ask is why do people flirt? It makes them feel young and attractive and has the power to put them back on a-game. However, we need understand that this all leads to an ’emotional affair’. It might seem like flirting but it’s not!  Messages that blur the line between teasing and intimacy, or that replace feelings you should be getting from your partner, can quickly violate relationship boundaries, even if you don’t recognize the situation as dangerous.

One of my closest friend caught her husband texting a friend and sharing details about his work life and that he was disturbed and work stressed. Something my friend knew nothing about! She got paranoid and was deeply hurt.

If you look at this from a wider perspective you might not agree for this to be cheating but having a closer look, I would agree with my friend’s opinion!

She told me while I was consoling her “Relationships are about finding someone you can share life with, not just your body, but your emotions, your insecurities” she continued. “I am heartbroken to found out he was sharing his deepest thought with someone else and was keeping it from me.”

Isn’t that true for all kind of relationships? Relationships are based on trust and honesty and the boundaries of being monogamous need to be set by partners themselves.

Key thing to remember is, what begins innocently enough is pushed and forced to its bitter conclusion, cheating. Better to remove the temptation before you cause incurable damage!

 

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19 thoughts on “​TEXTING OR CHEATING?

  1. A different perspective to what most of us are succumbed to now a days with the virtual chat boom. An issue still unidentified yet is taking a stride to what might cause hurricanes in many relationships. Well written and well warned too.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks a lot, yes this is something which is new to most of us but is a cause for concern nowadays. We still need to learn ‘how much is too much’ and what are boundaries are in the virtual world.

      Like

  2. Ashrita! Ashrita! Ashrita!
    If you would have been in front of me now, I would have literally stood in front of you and saluted. What an issue you took on your shoulder! As I was searching for a featured picture I came across an article and got to know about something called, Micro-Cheating which is in the same line with your article… Let me quote it…

    “Micro-cheating is a series of seemingly small actions that indicate a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship,” data expert Melanie Schilling told Huffington Post Australia. Lying about your relationship status, engaging with a past lover on social media, or consistently texting someone without your partner knowing are a handful of ways someone might engage in this behavior.

    The way you proved virtual chat is cheating that’s commendable. Very well studied and very well researched. This is a slap to many…

    God bless you my dear friend!

    Regard, CP

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I am on cloud nine to see this coming from someone like you! Thanks a lot 🙂
      I believe that this is something we need to start communicating in our relationships. ‘Emotional affairs’ are now the most detrimental factors to marriages. Unless we are aware of the fact that anything outside relationship that your partner does not approve of is cheating, no matter if it’s in the virtual world!
      With concepts like ‘open relationships’ being talked about in western world, what remains a fact is ‘Hiding behind the frames of deceit’ is no longer accepted! Talk, Talk and Talk, communicate with your partners, show real emotions, there is much more in life than emojis!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey Ashrita..
    What an important issue you have taken and so beautifully you have expressed! It’s one of the harsh realities that we all face.. Such a deep thought! And you have explained it so wonderfully ‘short & simple, to the point! I am sure many will realise and understand! Keep writing and keep inspiring. Good Luck!


    https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.js

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a lot, I am glad you liked it. Yes, This is indeed the reality of relationships these days, which needs to be talked about before it engulfs the essence if togetherness. Take care.

      Like

  4. Simply commendable….bitter truth…the term virtual chat or say chit chat conversation is what I feel is a sort of attraction to stay aloof from one’s own partner….then develops the lustfulness and finally leads them to commit adultery which other wise termed as SIN….seriously should think over it and stay honest to one’s own self and committed to one’s own partner…..simply awesome and this topic is unending.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks a lot! That’s true, it all starts with a harmless text and it all ends with something that can’t be reciprocated! Hope we all understand it sooner then it becomes a guilt. Take care

      Like

    1. Yes Vishal, her analysis is stupendously fantastic. Her presentation of the issue is absolutely alluring 😂. Yeah, I used that word because a reader needs to be allured and stay engrossed till he/she finishes reading it, being convinced. Loved it myself.

      Liked by 2 people

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