CHEATING – AN URGE OR AN OPTION

A Case Study

I have been in an unhappy marriage for five years now. My husband has been cheating on me since one year. Initially he did try to hide his transgressions by lying about his whereabouts. Our altercations hit high charts and eventually he admitted to cheating on me.

Why and how did this happen? Where did I go wrong? Will our marriage ever work?

I have been contemplating over these questions ever since, trying to rationalize my husband’s indiscretions. Being a student of science my first approach to any problem that knocks, is to go for a root cause analysis. And look what it reveals!

My husband might have been dishonest for a year, but I have been disingenuous since the commencement of our marriage. I have always pretended to relinquish his behavior and prevaricate through the situations. Our arguments have been the result of frustrations due to lack of communication.

So what are the primary reasons for lying and cheating in a relationship? If lying is fabricating the truth, cheating is deceiving the essence of the relationship and straying away. We all try to escape from boredom and lingering circumstances. Are fibbing and infidelity the actual solutions to this issue?

Most people fail to understand that being dishonest and committing adultery are just one of the options to escape situations. How about engaging in fruitful activities or actually addressing the matter with your significant other.

Digging deeper does unveil factors like lack of experience in a committed relationship could be one of the reasons for being mendacious. Sometimes the partner doesn’t understand the consequences of being deceptive. A feeling of insecurity owing to age, money, smartness or physical attributes is also linked to cheating. In such cases seeking external validation becomes more important than confronting the matter at hand. Another reason could be unrealistic whims and fancies of a partner that might lead to dissatisfaction, resulting in unfaithful behavior. Also succumbing to limerence and impulsive attractions leads to oversight of a meaningful connection.

As we skim through the reasons of indiscretions, we can find zillions of them. Regardless of the actual causes of cheating, there are always options available on grabs, like couple counselling, taking up hobbies and an honest discussion with your partner. 

I hope the articles which are going to be published subsequently throughout the week might throw some more light on the various reasons of lying and cheating in relationships. But to conclude, always remember that you always have a choice to not lie and cheat, than to compromise your integrity and give up on a meant to be relationship.

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “CHEATING – AN URGE OR AN OPTION

  1. You have published a very good post . In my view alll our body actions are a result of our mental formations. Every human like the favourable conditions. He become unsatisfactory, whenever some happenings occur, which he dislikes. The root cause is the attachment of the mental feelings to the objects and the desire to have full control over all the objects thinking these as my and mine.
    Whereas, every mental feeling, formation and perception have a nature of impermanence. The person who is indulged in adultery, whatever may be the reason, shall honestly contemplate the changing conditions of his mental perceptions by keeping in his/her mind that the present indulgence is also certain to change. This problem may be solved by following the morality.

    Like

    1. It’s a case study of a close friend, presented in first person. I had closely followed the circumstances. I have come across few such cases and I have realised that taking responsibility by both partners helps to go through infidelity and sustain the marriage.
      Thank you so much for your empathized response.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Excellent post. It’s easy to put forward a point pointing the human tendency of taking the easy and glossier way, in this case cheating in search of ulterior content but difficult to accept the fact that we have a choice of being truthful.

    Like

  3. Some people have diagnosable sexual compulsivity disorders that require psychological treatment, both individual and group therapy. Even with treatment the relapse rate is often high. A compulsively unfaithful spouse, a person who cannot sustain a monogamous relationship from early on in a relationship, may indicate such a disorder and should be evaluated by a licensed therapist who specializes in treating sexual disorders. I am so very sorry you are going through such a painful experience. There is light at the end of the tunnel for you. You walk towards the light and away from the darkness and keep your own candle burning.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your empathized response. This is case study of a close friend, presented in first person. I have closely followed the circumstances.
      I am really gratified by the evaluation and options you have suggested. Hopefully someone out there might benefit from our interaction.

      Liked by 1 person

Your valuable feedback please...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s