Oh boy! I was in the impression that this topic would be an easy one… But it’s not so… Now, I realised why the writers like Pradita and Kuljeet felt safe to run away from the battlefield 😛 . Even most of my writer friends kind of deviated from the main subject. I might twist it a bit as well… 😉
Sometimes, I wonder how acceptable my relationships with different individuals of opposite gender are, though the relationships are not of lovers!!! I call someone my sister, I call someone else my daughter but the question is how my wife feels about it… How do the spouses or parents of my “sisters” or “daughters” react to all these… And if all these relationships are without the cap of “sister” and “daughter” but just “friends” then there would be more questions raised and more eyebrows will be squinted against it. Now, if I think the other way around then what will be my reactions to such loving relationships of my wife or my close relatives with someone from the opposite gender…
Why do we feel that way? What is the reason behind our negative reactions or feelings towards such beautiful relationships?
I will come back to this later… Let me get into the more feasible examples around us where we shun love as taboo.
Let’s say, we went to Victoria Memorial (the renowned Monument of Kolkata) and saw a girl and a boy sitting on a bench and talking to each other… Just talking, let me highlight that…
What is the first thought comes to our minds? “How come these people get so much time to waste here?” “Oh today’s teens, they are getting spoiled day by day…” “How can their parents allow such things?” “Pity on their parents…” “They are such a nuisance in this campus.” And our negative thought processes or the curses for them are endless.
But the reality might be different. Those two teens might be discussing that, ‘this is not the right time for a relationship, we can concentrate on studies, we can’t meet like this behind our parents, we will be truthful to each other and protect each others from everything… We will keep our sexuality till our marriage…’ and so on…
I heard you thinking, “Unbelievable! That may be a rarest of cases…” Fine, I agree with you… but let’s think positive and react positively. What’s the harm in judging and reacting positively? And moreover, why is no one bothered to make amends when love is lost in a marriage, but quick to point out fingers to a male and female walking together without marriage?
Mind it, I am not encouraging premarital sex or trying to overlook the teen issues at all. That is not love but lust; I am dead against it myself… But, I want to raise a question against our thought processes, our narrow mindsets and our views or misconception about the purity of a beautiful emotion called ‘Love’. I want to proclaim the need of love in our lives individually as well as in regards to our families and societies at large.
The question still remains unanswered about the reason behind our negative reactions or feelings towards such beautiful relationships.
The ‘tendency to sin’ is the reason behind all this… It is because of the presence of sin within us which makes us feel that our spouse is exposed to vulnerability; our children are at risk of the lust with a covering of love… It is our tendency to sin (which means we can also fall into the same kind of temptation) makes us insecure about others as well even if they are safe and sound in the warmth of pure love. And thus, they feel it as not proper… they consider it as unacceptable… they termed it as societal taboo.
The presence of sin gives birth to two things… One, it distorts the meaning of love and confuses it with romance and lust which are just the fragments of Love. Secondly, it narrows down our mindsets and we judge without thinking even once.
In contrast to the above, the presence of love has a different effect on our minds and hearts. The Bible says,
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
Fear comes when we commit sin, sin of fornication…sin of adultery. Sin makes us feel afraid of consequence and punishment. But love drives out fear and makes us feel comfort in its warmth.
“We are born as helpless infants, dependent on our parent to fulfill our needs. Love, then, becomes need fulfillment and we seek this same love out as adults,” explains psychologist Dr. Beverly Palmer, author of “Love Demystified: Strategies for a Successful Love Life.”