Hope everyone is fine and hope it’s a beautiful day for everyone.
Just the way no life can survive without air and water, no soul is untouched by Pain. Death, heartbreak, rejection – only the situation in life changes but not the result. It’s same every time – PAIN. And I know there would be no disagreement on this statement.
And when pain is inevitable there are ways to deal with it.
So my question is “How do you deal with pain?” Rather I would like to ask “what do you do to soothe pain of others?” There’s a reason supporting my question – a person in pain needs a pull from an external factor in the form of friend or family. So in that capacity of a friend or family what’s your tool to soothe pain of your loved ones?
If you ask me, it’s plainly plain Words for me, spoken with warmth.
Having said that I would like to share with you all an incident that took place more than a decade ago.
She was my friend (it’s been more than a decade since I last spoke to her and no more in touch even on social media, tried to trace her but all futile 😔). She used to live just opposite to our apartment in Delhi. Her name is Hema, the only girl in the family of five – a father, mother and two brothers. Her mother was confined to bed for years even before I knew her. Her day used to begin with taking care of her mother and ended up doing so apart from handling all the household chores with close to no support from her brothers while her father was busy with earning for the family.
I had an immense respect for her for the young girl she was and shouldering the responsibilities of home is something I could have never mustered courage for. And similarly she found solace in my company. Her mother was also fond of me as I used to spend some time with her too.
Days were passing happily and one day I heard something unusual from Hema’s place. First I thought relatives might have visited them and everyone is having a good time, sharing good laughter. A glance and a better observation revealed that those were not gags but painful sobs. Aunty was no more! I was shocked as I met her after two days.
I immediately hurried up to their place. I saw Hema there, devastated, clinging to her mother crying inconsolably. That nearly broke my heart too to see her in such a pitiable state. But I have to console her, it’s my responsibility.
I hugged her and said “I won’t ask you to stop crying or wipe your tears for your pain is beyond imagination for me. I am not sure if I should say this or not, this is in a way a freedom to your mother; freedom from all the pain and agony she has been silently suffering for so many years. She might not have said this but she was equally worried for you as you were for her. And if you believe that your mother is with you eternally then you should show her your brave face because all her life she wanted to see you happy. Let the tears flow to ease out the burden but promise me you would live the way your mother wanted you to because she is from somewhere watching you”
My words are no doubt clichéd but they did have an impact on her. The turbulence on her face seemed to fade out and a calmness took over. Her loss is is beyond what words can explain but this is the truth of life. And her mother did want her to be happy and her agony made her curse herself for her daughter’s plight. In a way it was a liberation to the poor soul.
I firmly believe that words have power to soothe. There are many instances and losses in life which are beyond one’s control hence any apparent help is impossible. Then how would you convey that you are with your loved one’s in their times of distress. A warm hug, tears and your soothing words will convey your concern.