*Note: Talking about marriage not compromises, love should be the essence and present, whatever be the type of marriage – Love or Arranged.
Wife to Husband: Look at that hero, how emotionally and romantically he is confessing his love to his lady-love on-screen. How romantic he is! You don’t love me like that, in fact you don’t love me at all😞
Husband to Wife: Dear, he charges a whopping amount to romance his lady-love on-screen, why don’t you ask his lady at home. After all he is just a husband there😉.
This is just a petty example of what happens in day-to-day lives of married couples. This is where differences crop up. Love exists but is not seen.
I have often heard elders saying differences and fights are a part and parcel of relationships. It shows everything is normal and love is intact. If you see a couple with no arguments, get it that they are not normal – Shall I believe that?🤔
Differences – Why? Well it’s not rocket science that differences are a result of viewing the same thing differently. To some extent, comparisons also add fuel to the fire. A simple instance: when we see Facebook pages and see everyone enjoying (apparently) holidays in the displayed pictures, a feeling that everyone else around is happy and having a gala time except “Us” impacts relationship. Let’s take the above mentioned example. After few years into marriage, the wife (for that matter husband can too) starts complaining that the husband is not devoting enough time to her, there isn’t romance left in their relationship. She needs more of his time. When husband is asked about the same, his answer would be this is not because of lack of love but he has many other things to take care of. He can’t be just a lover but a responsible husband/ family man who thinks of a secured future for his family. Wife is agonised by his physical absence but she is psychologically always with him because he cares for her and want her to be safe always. She wants petty beautiful moments in present and he wants a beautiful future. That’s it. Both have different ways of saying and showing “Love”.
That was just a tip of an iceberg. There could be many other reasons for differences to trend. Relationship with family members of the spouse; maturity to handle issues like past relationships; personal goals and I can literally go on.
Differences are Okay! But they should be treated in time lest they take the shape of indifference. It means when presence or absence; agreement or disagreement doesn’t affect people in a relationship, they are Indifferent to each other and that marks the end of a relationship virtually.
How to sort out differences?
- Simple! Talk to each other. Be it any relationship, talking to each other can go a long way to mend differences. Exchange of thoughts as to what we hope, expect, want, from our relationship and partner & how we feel can help put ambiguity to rest. When air is clear love can surely find its way back. Just as an apple a day keeps the doctor away, talking (don’t count complaints) to each other everyday keeps the relationship healthy. Keeping thoughts to self for a longtime builds up frustration and could possibly have a catastrophic effect on married life.
- Respect your partner’s view: It’s important to understand that love can breathe only if mutual respect exist. It might not be possible to change perceptions permanently (it’s important to have an individuality) but as a mark of respect towards our partner we can occasionally (read as often as possible 😉) try to do things which your partner expects from you. No matter how small the initiation is but the effort only strengthens the relationship. Be it occasional candle light dinners, a little praise recognising partner’s effort in any task or an effort in understanding the work schedules, respecting privacy – anything and everything matters. Respect in a relationship is indispensable.
- Three is always crowd: On a strict note don’t let the news of your differences slip to any third person before it is discussed end to end. Involving a third person no matter how close he or she may be is a plain breach of trust. Remember communication is important in a relationship not broadcasting.
I have been married for eight years now, have had my fair share of differences so far (to be continued 😂). One thing I have clearly understood that we are two different personalities so differences are here to stay. Patience, perseverance, honesty, respect and to top it all love is all we need to negate the differences.
Remember couples – opposites not only attract but complete and compliment each other. You are different, think differently but don’t be indifferent.