WIN HEART INSTEAD OF WINNING ARGUMENTS

Marriage is a constitution where two people from different backgrounds, having different personalities come together to build a family. They start it with a lot of expectations in their hearts. But then life happens. The daily chores, tensions, pressure from boss and family members, past life and some finances, when intermingles with the others, stirs up heat and causes chaos and conflicts. Conflicts doesn’t only happen due to the difference in opinion or disagreement but it can also happen over time when stubbornness, pride, anger, bitterness, ego mix together to form issues between couples. It is present in all types of marriages and at times, manages to destroy the the beauty of the bond. A conflict between a couple can turn bitter in a matter of seconds or it can end in a very positive way. The only key is to handle it the right way.

There are many factors that can lead to disagreements and conflicts. To mention some :

1. Control and Power – It is not everyday in this modern world, that a person submits easily. Being in charge, having the power to control may affect the relationship if not handled with care.
2. Kids – The amount of discipline, love and attention to be given varies in each parent. One may try to be stern while the other lenient. One may think swimming is good for them, even at night and the other might oppose it.
3. Work – Consuming an ample amount of time in the 24 hrs. It kills couple time, makes them tired and much vulnerable to fights.
4. In laws – A touchy matter for both the persons involved. Due to a very different mindset and background, either they find us intolerable or vice versa. This creates stir in the family. At times over expectations from them also lead to conflicts.
5. Sex – A sensitive subject. Many couples are shy enough to discuss their fears, hopes and wants. This paves path for added frustrations.
6. Ex-es – Trust is all it takes. It is better to sit and talk about it and be strong not to fall into a past thing again.
7. Misunderstandings – When she says, ” I don’t want to go there” might be she really does not want to be there. Why assume and deduce something which is not true. It is always better to ask if not sure.

These are some of the factors, but there are a lot more. But only if one can handle these and try to resolve them in a positive way, then only can the bond of love be harmonious and pleasant. We must always remember that words have a great amount of power. They can break or make a person. It is we, who can determine how our words are going to affect the person at the receiving end. Our attitude towards our partner should be loving and respectful. We shouldn’t tell them that we do not care about them or how they feel just because we are angry on them. WE must also be careful of our surroundings before getting into conflicts. We should be ready to listen to their feelings and be able handle criticism. Each should get a chance to speak and being partners we should understand what our spouse is going through. A conflict between couples should never extend beyond bed time. Conflicts is not about who won in the end but how it ended. It’s always the person who is more important.

I would like to narrate a small incident. It is about a newly wedded couple. Theirs was a love marriage and everything about them was magical. The only bad thing was they fought a lot. Every now and then they would fight and then make up also. The only problem was that, they ruined the time and mood of their friends. Slowly, people started avoiding them. They had various tiny events that caused small conflicts, which in turn gave rise to big fights. Later, both understood that no matter how many arguments did they win against each other, they have lost it as a couple and have failed to win the heart of their spouse. Learning to limit our fights to the center of the conflict and forgetting about past events is necessary. Past things should be left as such because they are already forgiven.

As said by Matt Chandler :

“In too many marriage conflicts, we work too hard at winning the argument and too little at winning the heart!!”