Exploration keeps us interested in the thing that we are exploring. And the day we stop exploring we feel bored about our own self as well as everything that is around us that day.
Why did I say that? Let me give an example.
When I was young, I am not old yet though… I used to keep exploring ways to make myself presentable in front of a girl or a peer in the school or college. I didn’t and don’t have a great physique to impress a girl or the female species. But I used to make myself very presentable intellectually. My humorous and witty interactions with others have done a good cover up for my lack of good physique. And I remember when my marriage was fixed with Asmita my present wife; I explored every possible ways to make myself perfect in her eyes.
Why this fervour goes down after sometime in a marital relationship? The time we stop exploring each other, the time we stop impressing each other, the time we stop self-decorating for each other we get into a mode of “Taking for granted”. And this mode is the downfall of every marital relationship.
Initially when I used to ask my wife to change this Saree to that she would do it wholeheartedly and enthusiastically because her husband said it. But now we always get into a big argument to conclude which one to wear or I simply stay quiet thinking ‘let her wear anything she wants, I don’t care’.
And when she does some cleaning work, some changes, something that made our home look good she always expects me to look around and say few words of appreciation. I take her for granted on that matter thinking ‘it’s our house only, she would only have to do… fine’. And the charm of the beautiful evening fades away right there.
There is always a risk involved when we assume or think that ‘she will understand it’ or ‘he doesn’t mind those’. But actually when it happens, it happens just the opposite, ‘she misunderstands it’ and ‘he did mind’.
Probably you must be going through a similar situation where you take things for granted in your relationship with your respective spouses.
Slowly we become easily irritable, intolerant. We become loud with each other. We become intimidating. We become unattractive for each other. We stop thinking how my partner feels. We start thinking about how I feel. The direction of our concern changes from ‘you’ to ‘me’ and ‘my’ only.
I am not talking about only physical or sexual exploration. But also about our mind, our emotions which need to be explored by someone who loves us, someone we count in our life. When someone from outside does that at that vulnerable time of ours we get attracted to that outsider or simply don’t feel anything.
Why only about marital relationship, talk about other relationships as well. We will find the same thing. We lose that fervour after sometime when we stop exploring about each other more.
Human mind is structured in such a way that it needs things new and fresh every time. But that is not possible in case of relationships whether it is about a marriage or other than marriage. That is where the word “renew” comes to the picture. A sword loses its sharpness if it is not sharpened every now and then after its exhaustive use. And relationships need to go through that process of sharpening all the time to keep them fresh, renewed and enchanting.
Concluding this piece I just want to say that for any relationship never forget THREE words at all… They are – EXPLORING each other more, RENEWING your relationship time to time and never stop IMPRESSING each other till the end to avoid the “Taking for granted” mode.