“Are you going to teach me how to handle relationships ?”
“You don’t understand feelings”
“You are just jealous”
“You are so selfish, you can only think about yourself”
“You are single. If you open social networking sites, see pictures of couples, their children, happy families etc. you won’t like them, somewhere deep within you would pray for the opposite. Jealousy can’t be helped. So, stay away from all of these” – this was the suggestion I got from one of my friends.
It was my situation that was not right, but that was a good enough chance. It takes all of my energy, I can’t help myself on pondering over. I cared about them and this is what they understood about me. Well, they would come back and apologize in a day or two, but by then usually the damage is done.
I was absolutely pissed over what I heard and was really confused, concerned, deeply hurt. I have spent a couple of days to help myself out of it – it was extremely hard. I couldn’t sleep, over and over those words were ringing in my ears. “Am I such a bad person? Do I need to relook at myself to see if I have changed over time?” I was very much stressed. All of this has affected me and I realized that I have started to react to others for no reason.
When the hurt is not addressed, it develops into anger and resentment. We tend to hold grudges which eventually lead to bitterness in life. Bitterness not only is harmful to us, but it hurts everyone connected to us. Hence, if not addressed in time can lead to losing people and relationships. Often it also leads to deep depression making one weak from inside.
How do we know if we are falling victim to bitterness ?
- Are your words getting bitter ?
Observe your speech for one day and make a note of the most prevalent expressions. Complaints, self pride, gossip (or) uplifting or motivational to others ?
- Are you displaying gratitude ?
If anyone has helped you do some work, are you thinking over the intention of help ? Are you being thankful for acts of kindness ?
- Are you constantly being in a compare mode ?
Their children are getting better grades than ours … Why is that she got such a handsome guy to date when I am single ? Why isn’t my marriage as happier as his ?
I realized that my words were getting bitter, it was time for self help. The negative words of others have started filling bitterness in me, and if not addressed, I will end up in a bad situation. It is in fact not their words, but the importance I am giving to those words that is impacting me. I was overly imagining myself as negative whereas I am a positive person. Enough ! I need to break out of this loop and start to enjoy my life, otherwise there is a high chance that the future would look hopeless.
Often in our lives, we have a feeling that life is unfair. In fact life is so. It lets us taste hurt so that we can appreciate love, face distrust to appreciate trust, few sad moments so that we can enjoy happiness… That’s the walk of life and all of us have to understand this principle to be able to enjoy life.
I never feel jealous of others. Many of my friends are married and few have kids, drooling over their pictures make me happy. I am not as what those statements describe me at all… I wanted to stop taking in the feedback personal and reacting… Action time!! After one of my friend’s suggestion, I listed down my interests, picked the top two out of those.
1. To travel to various places.
2. Growing a balcony garden
I had to balance my two interests because both of them demand time. Every weekend it is unrealistic to travel out of the city, at the same time there has to be something I love that would keep me occupied everyday.
I found plant nurseries around, started learning to grow plants in pots – various plants, their flowering seasons. They are my children. If I am at office and it starts to rain, I immediately come home from office to take care of them so that the strong winds don’t hurt them. My timings are timed according to them and I like the onus they put on me.
I searched for a good travel group. After a few trials, I found one that really works for me. The organizers are also quite good and have become friends over time. I heartfully enjoy travelling with them, I really feel that brings the best out of me. Being close to nature rejuvenates me from all the tiredness and brings new hope.
The best was yet to come. Since the organizer is now my friend and he likes the way I behave in the group, my ideologies, he requested me to join the volunteer group. He needed organizers there, and I happily agreed to organize for a couple of social causes.
Most of my time is now distributed between work, travel, writing, gardening etc. I think it is important for us to learn if we are giving up for anger. Life is to be lived as it comes, everyday is new and comes with it’s own challenges.
Let go of the grudge, negative feelings, forgive yourself and others, move on in life.