THE FEAR OF JUDGEMENT

I can’t tell you from where I derive my confidence. I am a person who is lost more often than not. So what I can tell you is about my lack of confidence. I am human and to err is human. But when you lack faith in yourself, every action you take, every decision you make, every road you chose will lead you to believe that you have erred.

That is what happens with me each and every time. I don’t have trust in my decisions, and there are a lot of things that cloud my mind and tell me “NO, don’t go there, you won’t be able to do that”. I have fear; I have a fear of being a disappointment to all I love, to all who look up to me or who expect things from me. When I begin to think that I will not live up to their standards, I lose confidence.

I wanted to be a writer but had no self-belief. A very special person made me believe I can do it. He made me realise that what I write is beautiful. And I wrote and wrote to make him happy. He used to read every chapter of mine and tell me it is so good. It is crafted beautifully. And my morale boosted with his words and kept writing despite all my schedules and troubles. But then he got busy with some new developments in his life, and I could not get his constant feedback. Slowly I stopped writing; I found excuses not to do it. I kept my dream of being a writer aside because I wasn’t certain that what I penned is worthy enough.

And then he came back and told me “Your work isn’t supposed to impress me. Your work is meant to impress you. When you think that what you have written is worthy of your reading, that you are enjoying to read your work, know that it is good enough.” These simple words of his made me realise that what makes us dwell into self-doubt, fear and hesitation is the fact that we are trying to make others happy. We need to know that our efforts and our work, first and foremost needs to make us happy, feel satisfied.

When we feel that we have done something that was worthy of our respect and appreciation, then we begin to have faith in our actions. That is where my confidence lies. I have stopped fearing failure now. As I now know, that if it has made me happy to do it, it will make others appreciate it as well. My own opinion is my biggest judge and critic, and that is what gives me my strength.

So next time when you look in the mirror and like what you see, know that people will love it.When you find your cooking tasty, other will find it delicious, when you are happy with the decision you made, others will accept it with open hearts. Don’t let the fear of judgement, suffocate your faith on yourself.

Stay Proud !