While I was in schooling, one day I noticed cement slabs that were stacked in the school ground. I ran towards them to have a closer look , my shoe slipped, I landed on one of those cement slabs anchoring my knee on the corner of it.
The cement slab cut through the skin and muscle dissecting all the layers exposing the bone. I cleaned the wound, using a hand kerchief and managed to hide the wound under my skirt. When my dad arrived, I boarded his scooter with a smile though the pain was almost killing me. After reaching home, I slowly approached my dad, requested him to accompany me to the bathroom, where I unveiled the wound. His heart skipped by a beat, he immediately rushed me to hospital, doctor said I would require stitches for the wound to heal.
The very thought of needle piercing through my skin brought so much of fear that I insisted my dad shall stand by the procedure table, if at all I had to take the stitches. The doctor tried to calm me down saying she can manage it without having him, I was not at all ready for that. (No, my dad isn’t a doctor) …My dad was with me during the procedure, I still remember how strongly I squeezed his hand when I used to feel the pain. By the end of procedure, my father fainted by my side. I was scared to hell, the doctor assured me revealing that my dad cannot see blood and would feel dizzy at the sight of it. He has blood-injury phobia, I was guilty as it was because of me he had to face blood.
I don’t have fear for hospitals, doctors, medicines or even injections. Several times I took injections alone (without my parents by my side), the nurses used to be pleasantly surprised by the courage I displayed as an 8 year old. After about 4 years, I met with another accident, when my lower lip was cut and required stitches. I was 12, but this time I faced the stitches alone, with courage which I haven’t had earlier.
As a kid, I never really understood the reason of the fear or how I developed the courage over time. If I have to think over it, it’s, the belief in one self to handle anything that we are challenged with. My dad is my biggest strength and I always feel very secured when he is around. This is what happens with everyone of us. Since we are being protected by someone, we feel that our confidence lies in their presence. My confidence resided in my dad, but later on he made me realise that I am solely responsible for the risks I take, let me spread wings, try new things (mostly alone) because of which I learnt that my courage lies in me. His confidence in me built my confidence.
“My wife cannot live without me… “
“My husband cannot manage a single day without me …”
“My kids eat only if I feed them…”
The wife/husband/parent takes pride in making these statements. You may have also heard something similar, what kind of thoughts do they trigger in you ?
All the statements above are screaming lot of love and care but they make me really very worried. A husband should be worried if his wife cannot live without him, isn’t it ? Life doesn’t guarantee the time of departure or the sequence of departure from this world. It can be either the wife or the husband. Why talk about death, there will be several situations that may force them to live away from each other, both of them should be equally equipped to lead life without the other.
It concerns me when we depend on others so much that we feel totally lost and find no value of life without them. It concerns me even when someone gets dependent on me the same way, that really means I have failed in making the other realise that they are self sufficient to face life and hard situations that may arise. The question I would ask myself here is, “Am I being overly protective ?“
Being overly protective and caring too much for someone may make them dependent on us. It indeed kills confidence. It is not only parents of kids, but with any relationship we indulge in, we should give enough freedom and let the other take chances to face situations alone.
For me, my confidence lies in me. No matter how much we believe in others, trust in God, have a support system, all of these are external factors, the important factor lies within us.
Others can guide and help us but cannot fight the battle for us …