My mom asked me a few years ago, “How do you stay so long without talking to anyone? I was happy, I could get your father out of that world, but now you seem to enjoy it more than he used to”. All of my friends (close and not so close) had the same complaint. I don’t text or call anyone and very rarely reply back to messages. It is very hard to get hold of my time. Hardly, only one or two of my closest pals can engage me in conversations that last for more than 10 minutes… I can go silent for days together without talking unless otherwise it is absolutely necessary. Does that sound strange? That’s fine even if that is so. That’s precisely me.
Things changed a bit after I have attached myself to an acquaintance (it is not important who that person is), out of fear I started to keep a close track on my calls and messages. At least I had a person back home to fight with, shell my anger on and to share very minute things of no importance. But still there was a living person sharing an apartment with me for a few years who I can talk with when I want to…
If everything is only getting better and things are smooth, it’s not life. One fine morning, my life turned upside down. I was not expecting that it would happen, but it did. I had a feeling of standing on a boat amid of a sea, infinite on all sides, completely directionless and clueless of what my future would be, left with no option but to live alone.
A firefly during a damn dark night still gives us a hope, that there is a way out of that darkness. During those dark times when I was feeling very lost, I got to know about candles. Prabhjot introduced me to Candles. Chiradeep, for the person he is took the lead in getting me engaged in conversations. The very first week in the journey of candles, two of my articles got published. I don’t know if I really did good with those articles, or Chiradeep was just encouraging me.
From then till date there is no looking back. I have found so many fireflies… Can you guess whom am I talking about ?? Each and every one of you !!! You not only make the writer in me happy, but as a person I am more happier. You may be wondering how ?
Let me explain, I have already stated that I don’t talk much, but I need people always in the house. I cannot really live in a place, where I am not communicating at all, where I am not heard. It has been an year, I started living my life all alone, but for a girl who loves solitude this journey must be easy, at least that is what I thought, but it turned out to be very difficult than I thought it would be.
Sharing the most unimportant stuff like, “I am not feeling so well” or “I have tried a new flavor of ice-cream” also needs a ping to another person. Even if I shout, it won’t be heard by anyone. The situation was getting worse, in totality I was experiencing loneliness, may be, for the very first time. I understood life has been preparing me for so long to face this, but it was killing me.
Heard of Monday blues ?? For me, Monday was a bliss. I get to see people, talk, smile. I found myself talking and getting hyper to talk on Monday’s more than any other day, reason – two days I haven’t seen a human being nor I talked with anyone. I no more like Fridays but Mondays…
I changed the way I am.. I started pinging people, which I never did in my entire life.. Regularly, day in and out. But, there is a part of me that really doesn’t like doing this everyday. It is almost like asking, “Can you please talk with me? I need somebody to talk to …” and I am very apprehensive to be doing that. Thanks to those people who still keep the patience to talk with me, but sometimes they wonder why am I telling them all those things. Naturally, I can’t blame them, I should learn to manage everything with myself.
After I started writing for candles in May 2016, not only writing kept me engaged, all of you did. Your love and encouragement makes me think more and more on what I can share with you. Neither you know me personally nor I do, but I remember most of your names and blogs. If someone who regularly likes my articles, doesn’t like the recent one, I wonder whether he or she never read it or I did not do a good job.
I don’t have to request you to read my articles, I don’t have to ping you, or bother you in any way, all of you do it at your free time and your will. Your comments talk to me. I no more feel lonely friends. All of you are part of my little world. You give me food for thought and happiness that I really can’t explain in words. My fellow writers on candles and all you readers make my life more beautiful, meaningful and worth living.
I am getting very emotional penning this, but the truth is, you make me what I am .. You saved me from breaking down, you helped me fight my grief, I don’t think I would have bounced back to life so gracefully without all of you.
Thank you everyone for being my fireflies, glimpses of hope, angels from the heavens, you make a difference to my life in a very positive way. With wonderful people like you around, I am able to take life with ease.. Love you all !!