Abusing Women, SNIPPETS

WILL YOU FIGHT OR CAVE IN ?

“Did you say ‘No’, when he was inside you ?”, asked the doctor for the second time. The young girl, aged 7, was trembling with fear, she turned back, hugged me tight and started to cry… “Oh my dear, I wish you shouldn’t have to go through all this” was my thought.  It was very clear that the little girl did not even understand the question, of course, how can she ??  I couldn’t control myself from giving a nice lecture to the doctor…

“Didi (it means sister in hindi language), can we go back ? I don’t want to talk anymore”, her words brought instant tears to my eyes.

This happened after two months she was raped, brutally raped by many men, actually we don’t know the number of men who took an advantage of her. When she was found and brought to rehabilitation home, she had bruises all over, she had to undergo a surgery which turned out to be a life saver. So much of pain and agony at such tender age, what was her fault in all this ? 

On top of what she had to go through, the doctor’s insensible questions. I was just stupid to think that it may help her heal faster if I take her to a counselor. But, not all counselors are good. If he cannot understand how she might have felt about the horrifying act, how can he ever heal her ? I rushed her out of the hospital…

I really don’t want to give statistics of how many rapes happen, how often they happen. We all know it, and we don’t have to be accurate. It’s all in the news – fathers, brothers, grandfathers, neighbors, friends, there is no disparity in the relation when they attempt to rape. The act of sexually assaulting another person (no gender bias), even if it happens one in a million is still shameful and questions how we continue to be called humans ? Are we animals ? Where is our so called humanity ?

No rape is instantaneous. It may not be pre-planned, but it’s pre-meditated. It must have been alive in their thoughts for duration longer than the actual rape. How many of us know that most of the people who commit rape tend to repeat the act ? 

More or less similar are sexual assaults and sexual advancements. All sorts of sexual crimes do not happen only at homes, schools or colleges. After all the education, people find better ways of taking advances that are sexual in more neater and cleaner ways. Offices are no exception. I myself have been through it and I know many other colleagues who have been through. 

Sexual advancements at office usually are of quid pro quo, where the offender is either threatening to ruin your reputation at work or is not allowing you to grow unless a sexual favor is done to him/her. If not, they have a habit of it and cannot stop themselves, even when they are aware of how strict the laws are. 

What can we do to eradicate sexual assaults and how do we deal with people who would have fallen victims.

  • First and foremost, love and care for the victim as you always do.
  • If you are a man trying to help a woman going through sexual abuse
    • Give them strength, they tend to get mentally very weak…
    • Tell them that you would be there no matter how difficult the situation turns out to be.
    • Give them courage to express themselves and complain to the concerned authorities regarding what has happened.
    • Educate them that the fight won’t be easy, it indeed wouldn’t be.Be their support system.
    • If it’s a work place, school or college, the victim would be facing the offender even after the compliant has been launched, but be aware that there are laws which allow the victim to stay away from work/school for close to three months.
  • If you are woman who has gone through or is going through abuse or helping others
    • Always remember to talk to family, friends and peers.
    • Break your silence, make sure it is highlighted in all the right forums.
    • Please talk to your female colleagues and warn them of what’s happening in the work environment. ( I mentioned this point only because I got to know of many women who talk to their male colleagues, but never to their female colleagues. No offense, but may be it’s more important that your female colleagues know, so that they don’t fall prey)
  • If the victim is a kid or a young girl, never tell them that their life is ruined. It hasn’t. A girl’s life cannot be ruined just by this.
  • If at all the girl’s family has a problem with the assault, try your level best to make them understand.
  • Educate children about sexual abuses and how they can recognize them 

If I were to think of a solution, I would suggest setting up an anonymous reporting system, where the victim’s identity is hidden unless a similar incident about the same offender is reported, since the majority would be repeat offenders, it would be easier for the authorities to talk with the victims in isolation and do the needful. It is not fool proof, but would be a good start and can be extended as per our future needs.(I sincerely wish such need never arises )

Dear victims ,relatives and friends,

Please consider rape or sexual assault as an accident, in fact, it is nothing more than that and shall not disturb our lives in any way that can hinder normal life. It is not end of life.  Please highlight the incident and lodge a complaint with the authorities so that such incidents don’t repeat at the least.

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17 thoughts on “WILL YOU FIGHT OR CAVE IN ?”

  1. This was a bold script and accurately written.
    The only sad truth that prevails in our society is that people still tend to think that the ‘victim’s’ life has been spoiled. I agree that it is certainly a painful thin but why should a woman suffer the consequences of an act which she didn’t want to be a part of. Surely, this should change except of course the people raping!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Completely agree with you.. It’s very important to get back to normalcy as soon as possible. This is one hurdle of life that’s totally unexpected and we are unprepared, but can be fought through. Thanks a lot for reading and liking it Moushmi !!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. This is a very well written and thoughtful post. A tragedy like this may be averted if girls speak up… But of course that’s not easy, especially for some who’s gone through trauma. But a voice must be raised, else the perpetrators may never be punished

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I agree with you… but more than the girl the surrounding boys need to stand and fight for the girl…. that will actually put the perpetrators on the back foot…. it’s not easy… but needs to be given thought.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Agreed with your points Pradita.. There is no gender , I am sure there are more boys than the statistics reveal who may have gone through sexual abuse. Everyone has equal rights to fight against the problem they are facing and it shall not vary with gender.

        Liked by 4 people

  3. Excellent article Aastha… I loved the last part where you mentioned how to deal with the victims…. the victims should be made understand that this is just an accident so forget it… get out of it…. and all these things have to be done with utter love and care and sensibly without making the victims feel that people are taking her problem lightly…Wear her shoe and help….then it will be easier…

    Thanks for this beautiful article and God bless you!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Rightly written with the amount of sensitivity needed to deal with such issues. More and more tough questions have to be put to society with every such incident. But our system- medical, legal, prosecution and even the media poses more to victim than to perpetrators. Need to fight it out.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you SwamiUpendra !! Glad you liked it… The laws have to be more strict and have to have more fine tuned ways of reporting the issue. Sadly, the first questions and the tough ones are to be answered by the victim. Hope this changes …

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Very well written article. The starting narrative literally gave me goose bumps. Cant imagine a counselor being so insensitive. But sadly this is actually the case the rape surviviors have to relive the ordeal and get humiliated again and again after the act. She has to justify/ to prove that she was not at fault and she did not bring it upon herself because of some of her own act.

    We all need to change our reaction to rape. Till the time that does not happen the life of the victim can never be normal again..

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you di !! I can never forget what happened that day, the little girls was frightened to the core and struggling to find herself again. you are right, unless our perception towards the victim doesn’t change, it would be very hard for survivors to get back to normalcy…

      Liked by 1 person

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