Kalpana Vogeti, MEGA ARTICLES, Self pity

STATUTORY WARNING: SELF-PITY INJURIOUS TO HEALTH

Hi Everyone,

Applied for a job and yet again got the same answer “Sorry, rejected”.

Post pregnancy have taken a toll on physical appearance drastically.

Received serious flak on culinary skills.

Just served as a butt of jokes for not being able to dance or swim or drive.

Depressing they are, isn’t it?

Life has never been a bed of roses throughout; we all know it as each one of us have been in one or another aforesaid situations (they are few examples only).  Nothing worth mentioning, right?  Yes, you are right.  But my question is what we do in such situations?  We look around and start comparing our lives and ourselves to others.  And such comparison awards us with a weapon called “Self-pity” which acts like a slow poison that robs us of our potential. 

Let me give an example…  

During the appraisal time, two employees get two different ratings and different hike percentages.  The one with a better rating and higher salary would obviously be happy but what about the second person.  The possible thought process could be:  I am subjected to partiality, my hard work has not been paid off accordingly since I am not good in flattery and deceit my results are like this.  So basically the second person have made up his/her mind that he/she is the victim of scrupulous play of politics/ favoritism in office.  Eventually, that person will start harping on him/ her being victimized everywhere to gain sympathy (probably) and this is their excuse to themselves for not performing well.  This is self-pity.  And when a person goes into the shell of self-pity that surely spells destruction.  It can be a destruction of productivity or relationships.  A person down with self-pity syndrome can never command respect, period!  And if it is demanded then it is anything but respect.  For others to respect a person, he/she should respect self.

How to identify a person with self-pity syndrome?

  1. Always gives excuses: If I had this I would have done that If my situation wasn’t like that I wouldn’t have behaved like that and blah blah blah….. can never accept the fault.
  2. Tries to influence people by playing victim card: You don’t like me because I don’t belong to your stature, you don’t talk to me because you think I am worthless.  Always try to depict them as “poor me” which amounts to emotional blackmail.

So next time you see someone with these characteristic traits you know it with whom you are.  And it could be “We” as well and that calls for a remedy to that.

How to get rid of Self-pity syndrome?

  1. Look-around:  Again? Don’t get me wrong. What I am talking about right now is not just looking around, not mere glances at people but look around and observe. So next time before cursing your own fate for having the miserable life and thinking how fortunate others are just checking how much hard work they have put in for the situation they are in.
  2. Accept:  Accept what? Accept own faults and imperfections. First of all, it is of utmost importance that one should understand that no one is perfect. Even the rich and famous have their flaws but what scripts the success (not necessarily monetary) is their courage to accept their drawbacks and move on with them or overcome them. Acceptance needs courage and courage are all that matters.
  3. Compare:  Another twist! We human beings being in a society cannot lead an isolated life and when in society comparison is inevitable.  But there are certain rules as in with whom to compare.  If you want to achieve something compare yourself with achievers who are a bar above you. And if you have lost something then compare yourself with a person who has nothing or who has lost much more than you. That would surely give a reason to thank God for his mercy on you. A person who is bestowed upon with the almighty’s mercy do you really think pity is needed?

Take this medicine whenever self-pity seizure attacks you, prescribe it for near and dear ones, it works.  It worked for me too.

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11 thoughts on “STATUTORY WARNING: SELF-PITY INJURIOUS TO HEALTH”

  1. This is a most common phenomenon… and probably almost all of suffer from this at some point of our life.

    Very beautifully written Kalpana and I liked those three combative points that you mentioned. They will be definitely helpful to many.

    Regards, CP

    Like

  2. U know when you struggle in a situation and god somehow gives you answers and shows you the ‘Right Track’, well this article today was like one such ‘Track’ for me. Thank you for posting it. I will try n implement it . Looking foreward for more 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Brilliant mega from you Kalpana. KUDOS to you for writing such a brilliant article. I myself practice self-pity in the free moments I get during the day. or right before I sleep, but now I will come and read this piece you wrote instead.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am not ashamed to call myself or declare that I am a victim of Self-Pity menace. It’s for sure a slow poison and often very contagious too. It will act very silently robbing one’s one self-esteem, confidence, ability to accept mistakes and flaws, and one’s potential, without his/her knowledge. Beautifully written and the effects of it are well explained, so happy to read this and I particularly liked your views that in a society with whom we should compare ourselves with. Every one of us is totally unique and many times mindless comparisons between two individuals by family friends and superiors and inferiors can destroy peace and confidence if we don’t learn how to deal with it. Stupendous effort to explain about self-pity, such sweetly. Thanks a ton for writing this, it will help many.

    Like

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