We all have bank accounts wherein we deposit money (in terms of salary, savings etc.) and we withdraw that money when we need to use it. We have access to our bank statements which show us exactly how much we have deposited and how much we withdrew. It is all black and white. You cannot withdraw more than you have deposited. Even when bank allows you to use the money that you don’t have through credit cards and loans – you have pay it back in time or pay hefty penalties in terms of interest.
We are all aware of these banking rules. It is after all money which is extremely important. But why am I telling you all about the banks and finances when we already know it? Because I am going to make an analogy of the well knowing banking system with emotions and relationships – I call it Emotional banking.
In every relationship, we have emotional accounts wherein we need to make regular deposits. What does that mean? Playing games with your child, spending time with old parents, going for coffee or movies with friends, helping your sibling in times of distress, giving meaningful gifts on occasion, taking care of your people when they are sick etc. are all examples of making emotional deposits in relationships. It is very vital to make these deposits because someday you will also need to withdraw from these emotional accounts.
What are the examples of emotional withdrawal – scolding the child for doing something wrong, falling sick yourself, going through a tough time where you need support of family and friends, asking for money, asking for favors etc. When your emotional account with a particular person is empty and you try to make a withdrawal – you might get into trouble even lose the relationship with that person. When your emotional account with a person only gets the deposits from your end and withdrawals from the other – the relationship won’t last. When your emotional account with a person is full of positive emotions but you do make withdrawals from time to time – it is an optimal relationship.
I have seen parents who are just too busy to spend time with their kids and yet they are always scolding the child when s/he does something wrong – that is a perfect example of withdrawals exceeding the deposits. In such a case, the emotional account with the child will soon be in a deficit and parent will lose the emotional connect with the child.
Always remember to keep making deposits from time to time for all the emotional accounts you have with the people you love and care for. And this need not be a conscious effort – it comes naturally when you are flowing with love for these people. When you love somebody whole-heartedly – the deposits are made automatically (just like our salaries) because our love shows; when you don’t love somebody, that is when making deposits becomes an effort.
So observe your emotional accounts with people. Instead of thinking about the returns think how much are you depositing?