Grief Management, SNIPPETS

GRIEF OF A MOTHER IN A WOMAN

Mother – embodiment of love, pure love and sacrifice. Won’t elaborate more as no number of words can ever describe what a mother means.  It’s every woman’s heart yearning to be a mother.

So was mine.  And God did answer my prayers.  But my boon didn’t stand longer and I had a miscarriage.  My dreams shattered.  But I am fortunate enough to be blessed with the gift of motherhood again, now I am a happy mother of two.  But not every woman is fortunate. I personally know women who had more than two miscarriages.  And the deep sorrow that follows can never be explained in plain words.  It’s not about the physical pain but the psychological trauma a woman – a mother undergoes.  The child may be unborn for the world but it’s very existence can never be ruled out in thoughts, dreams, deeds and words of a mother.

To add to all the pain of a mother undergoing this crises situation the question that rubs salt to the wound is “when will you become a mother?”, “still no child?”.

I don’t know how many could agree with what I said but why bearing a child becomes a very important matter of discussion right after first year of marriage of a couple.  Then wherever that married couple goes to attend functions, ceremonies this question follows them – “any good news?”.  I failed to understand why matter of personal decision acquires status of common issue.  Matter becomes worse for working women, because she is always labelled as “selfish, career oriented” who doesn’t want to be a mother soon.  What if her decision to be career oriented is a matter of compulsion and not choice.  She might put on a brave face but the amount of pain she is feeling, no one knows.

And if a woman is having difficulties in conceiving because of medical issues, then she is subjected to more trauma and societal pressure.  She is called different names if you know what I mean.  So important is bearing a child in one’s womb that people won’t even mind breaking off the marriage for that sake.  But the sad part is no one questions the male counter part if he is having any medical issue. The entire burden has to be beared by woman. Grief is so deeply rooted in such cases that could possibly lead into depression.

The issues discussed above are beyond human influence but what about the cases where a woman is deprived of blessing of motherhood intentionally. I am talking about killing of a female child in womb itself knowing its orientation.  How cruel is that?  Male or female, both are equal for a mother then why she is subjected to such trauma as if she determines the sex of the child?

In all of the aforesaid situations the sorrow, the pain felt by a woman is beyond comprehension for any soul except the mother herself.

What could be done in order to console and comfort in such emotionally draining and demanding situations. Since no words could act as medicine, it’s better to stay silent on that issue.  If words are silver then silence is golden. Talk to the lady about her interests, household chores or anything else under the sun except kids if it hurts her.

Respect her space, period.  We are no one to decide what age is apt for pregnancy for any woman.  We should mind our own business and let them theirs.

And finally “Adoption”:   Yes you heard it right.  For any woman who for what so ever reason can not enjoy the motherhood biologically adoption is the solution.  I know what I am talking about is a very bold step and still a taboo.  But nevertheless it could give all the happiness a woman aspires for as a mother and could give a child a home and a hope.  Because parenting and feeling of being a parent is more about responsibility and love and it has nothing to do with DNA structure.

Do think about it.

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