My heart skips and beats faster when I see her coming in… She looks at me from far and smiles then goes back to her department and settles down. She comes after sometime to my department… I see her but I wait for her to come to my desk after she finishes her work with others and she comes and sits in front of me, smiling and she asks me, “How are you…?” Then we continue talking with each other till we realize its time to concentrate on our works. She returns back to her desk.
I used to repeat the same drill when I get a reason to visit her department. This happened for two months. And the life seemed so dreamy and flowery.
The story was between June-July-August. Probably, in August I proposed her. I remember I was in front of her desk and I just asked her whether she will mind if I say something very serious and emotional. She allowed me to speak on. And I remember, I had said, “Dear… I feel I need you in my life… Because I love you. I don’t know how you feel but I just wanted to share what I felt” She was constantly smiling looking at me. When I finished she said, “Your words are very precious to me and even I feel the same way.”
From mid of September I marked a difference. I felt she started ignoring me. I don’t know why. I had that insecurity feeling within me for being an congenital heart patient and I started feeling weird. I asked her what happened. Did I do any mistake. She used to deny every time.
October-November passed away just like that with lots of confusions and conflicts within me though on 9th October I had invited all my friends and colleagues for a party including her.
But… I don’t know… What really happened… She did something which really hurt me to the highest. Just the day after the incident I went to her house and wanted to confront her directly. I asked her, “What do you think about our relationship?” She replied, “Probably, we are not made for each other… we should not be continuing…” It was on 20th or 21st of December.
That year in December 25th, the Christmas day was the worst Christmas day for me in my life. I was so devastated. I was feeling so lonely in the midst of the crowd. I was feeling depressed, frustrated, sad, lonely and terribly rejected.
“Why God, why did you allow that to me?” That was the question I asked to God that time. But now when I remember that incident I pray, “Thank God for giving me that experience. Because I unless I feel the pain it is impossible for me to understand others pain.”
I learnt THREE things from my “heartbreak.”
First thing, I learned – “Never assume and proceed feeling happy.” I felt I did that mistake. “I feel the same doesn’t mean I want to marry you.” In any love relationship clarity and conformity is necessary. Just mere feeling doesn’t decide anything.
Secondly, I feel – “Care & feeling sympathetic is not falling in love.” We guys usually make that mistake when we receive that kind of cares from girls. Girls are usually comfort giver, care giver… It doesn’t mean they are falling in love with you. Probably, I misunderstood her.
Thirdly, I learned “Never be haste to decide and propose.” We all know, “Love is patient.” So hasty decisions always have bad endings. So did mine.
We had some good love story time last few days… But we had some great lessons learnt from those stories.
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