I am not the kind of person who always wanted to be a Mother. Yet as I grew older and wiser, I started to miss something. I started to feel a bit weird when I saw my sisters and friends feeling so happy and content after having babies. I also have never been a favorite “aunt” of my nephews and nieces and practically had no experience or confidence in handling kids. So the decision to become a mother was a tough one for me. My biggest fear was that I would lose my own time and individuality.
Getting a baby into the world itself wasn’t easy at all. After a miscarriage and totally messed up body with all sorts of meds, I finally carried my baby for 39 weeks and delivered him on 10th of Feb’ 2015. I wouldn’t say it was beautiful experience – it was painful, it was gross, it was scary and it was full of anxiety and after 8th month of pregnancy till my baby was about 4 months old – I swore that I would never get pregnant again.
But having my son has kind of changed my life for good. It has made me focus on the right things in life. It has created a meaning out of my life. I always wanted a life where I could make a difference to people and one day while singing to him when he was just a week old – I realized that he is one person I would continue to inspire and influence for as long as I live. I would be his role model, the person he would look up to. And that was when truly my maternal instincts just grabbed my heart and it overflowed with love for him. I could imagine taking care of him, playing with him, teaching him, scolding him and all of it that a mom is supposed to do. I could see myself do all of that in just a moment. And I believe that was when I felt connected to him.
Being a parent isn’t easy. Parents have to go through a lot, but this is what I have learnt in various ways about what parenthood is all about. Somebody might have a different opinion on these, but this is what I believe in –
- Highest Human Love: It is the only form of love existing on this earth that is closest to unconditional love. I would still not say that it is an unconditional love – because I believe no relationship ever exists without conditions.
- First School for the Children: The prime responsibility of a parent is to ensure that his/her child is a good human being. And this comes before any degrees of education. It is not important for my child to have a degree next to his name – but it is important for him to be strong, sensitive and with high self -respect.
- Foundation of the Children: After a certain age parents cannot control their children. This is something I have seen a lot of people struggle with. They do not want to let go of the control even when the child is well into adulthood and even married. It doesn’t work. You will have no control on who your child wants to get married to or what kind of lifestyle he/she adapts to or what kind of career he/she takes up. It will all depend on what kind of foundation have you laid in your child’s heart in early years of his/her life.
- Parents should only be parents – not friends: Every relationship has its own value. Friends are supposed to be friends and parents are supposed to be parents. There is a term called “Generation Gap” which makes all the difference.
- Understand Teenagers: Teenagers are likely to dislike their parents. It happens for a very natural reason and it is rather important for teenagers to get distant from parents because if they don’t do that, they do not experiment / take risks in life and hence do not grow. It is okay if your teenaged kid thinks you are totally useless. He/ she will come back to you one day realizing what you said was right.
- Example for the children: YOU are the walking and talking example for your child. If you do not do what you preach, your kid is going to learn what you do – not what you preach. So do not scold your child for being disrespectful towards elders, if you do not pay respect to your own parents in front of your child.
- Love to Discipline: Always tell your child that you love him / her. Do not leave any opportunity of showing the love you have for your child. It is easier to instill discipline in your child if he/she believes that you love him/her.
- Hedge of Security: Try to show love to your spouse in front of your child. It makes the child feel extremely secure when he / she see his / her parents together and in love with each other. On the contrary, it breaks the child, when he/she see his/her parents fighting all the time. A child believes that he/she is the center of universe and naturally believes that parents are fighting with each other (or loving each other) because of me.
And the list goes on. There are a lot of these little things that you will need to take care of for the sake of your child. But just remember – you are the biggest teacher for your child, you need to help him/her to grow up into good human being and for that you need to be a good human being yourself. Just keep that in mind consciously – things would start fall into place on its own. I do this every time I feel anxious about raising a good human being that I want to.
Motherhood has indeed been bliss. My time is extremely limited now, my hobbies have just disappeared, my house is always in a mess and I am rushing all the time. But in spite of that, I love to see him desperate to get into my arms every day when I get back home from work. I love his innocent curious eyes that try to imitate me at times. I am in love all over again and being is love is always special.
Author’s Bio: Prabhjot Kaur Saini, is a Software Engineer and is currently working in Bangalore. She is an engineer by profession and also a thinker and writer with a philosophical heart. She can be contacted at: ‘firstname.lastname@example.org.’ Read her Other Articles on this site.