‘Re’ is a very interesting prefix and has been used to explain something good. For example, ‘Re-union,’ ‘Re-store,’ ‘Re-conciliation,’ ‘Re-build’ and so on. But the actions involved in all these words are not easy or very difficult. I mean to say, reunion of old friends and family members is a difficult task to undertake and doesn’t happen often but it is something which is really good & is a beautiful thing to happen for everybody involved in it. Rebuilding an old house is an amazing experience though very difficult. Similarly, Reconciliation and Restoration of broken relationships are utterly difficult.
One of my younger cousins has named me as ‘Glue Man,’ because I love & try to keep my cousins together despite of regional & other differences in us. I literally hate dissension and strain in any relationship. I do not like to stay away or stop talking or communicating for long after a fight or difference of opinions. I love to keep the relationship on and on in every situation.
Because, I believe a relationship is that what gives us the strength and reason to live and survive. A relationship is the only potion that prevents and cures loneliness, depression, distress and sadness. A relationship is the only mean and measure that helps us to find a way. A relationship gives us authority on each other’s lives. A relationship is the radar or rudder of our life boat. When a relationship is broken we find ourselves in the middle of the sea, sinking down in the water inch by inch.
I feel burdened when I look around and find many broken relationships in the world today. My heart aches when I see a home torn wide apart and shattered. I feel so sad to see a child getting parted and divided physically, mentally & spiritually between two separated or divorced parents. I feel sorry for the parents who are being driven out of their homes by the children. I feel bad when the brothers fight for a piece of land and cut off their relationships with each other forever.
I know there are many among us who are broken yet want to be united back again with their loved ones. I know there are many husbands who want their wives to come back to their arms. I feel the need of many wives who are desperate to reconcile with their husbands. And I also know that it’s never too late to mend a broken relationship. It’s never impossible to get back, reconcile and restore the strained relationship. It’s never shameful to get back to your loved ones.
But the biggest difficulty that stands as mountain before us is – HOW TO RECONCILE? HOW TO REBUILD? HOW TO RESTORE? HOW TO START?
I have 7 very simple yet important factors that will help us to reconcile & rebuild a broken relationship which are mentioned as under:
- Feeling the Need:
A relationship can be restored only when we have the desire to reconcile and rebuild. Unless we have a longing to come together or unite together we can’t imagine of rebuilding. For example if I think “She doesn’t show any interest to reconcile” then I would be sure that I am not ready to reconcile. When we feel the relationship with our loved ones needs to be restored because of our own need then we know that we are ready to take a step forward towards restoration.
- Taking the first step:
I have seen that in life, we always tend to expect the first initiation from the opposite party. I have also had the experience in my own life that if I want to reconcile then I have to take the first step. I can’t expect that somebody will come and give me a glass of water when I feel thirsty. I need to express my feelings or ask for a glass of water or get it myself. The process of reconciliation and rebuilding starts when we take the first initiation in response to our own need.
- Expecting Denial:
When we are on the verge of rebuilding & restoring we should always be ready for denial to our attempts. The other person may not want to rebuild or reconcile initially. So we should not be disappointed with her/his denial, we should be ready to face that and accept it in a very positive way.
- Patience is the Key:
We should never lose our patience. We always need to remember that “breaking is much easier than rebuilding.” We need patience. We need perseverance. We have to keep coming again and again to reconcile. And one day when we succeed we have to start rebuilding slowly.
- A Humbling experience:
It is really not at all easy to come again and again expecting a response to our invitation to reconcile and restore a strained relationship. It is a humbling experience. We need humility along with patience to break the wall between us and our loved ones. When we face denial our ego may challenge us to take a step back and stop thinking of bending down again. We might have patience to come again but we might not stay calm when we hear absurd & hurting words from the other side. We need to remind ourselves that rebuilding was our need and we have to bend down again and again to reconcile, to recreate and to rebuild.
- Asking Forgiveness:
We may say, ‘I was not wrong’ when we are allowed to come close to the person with whom we want to restore our relationship. But we should remember that we were also part of that act of breaking our relationship. So we need to ask forgiveness from our partner, from our children, from our parents or whoever it may be.
- Having Faith in Our Love:
The Bible says ‘love never fails.’ It is true. When we have true love springing up from our heart nothing can stop us. Love really never fails. So we need to have faith in our love for our beloved. That will win the battle for us.
I have never mentioned that these are the 7 steps to reconcile & rebuild, rather I said that these are the 7 important factors involved in the process of reconciling and rebuilding. All these factors have to work together. It’s not that we should finish the first step and then try out the second one. All these have to work together and then only we can expect a rebuilt relationship.
Friends! Let’s start our reconciling & rebuilding process with a word of prayer. May God bless us to cherish a reconciled and rebuilt relationship.
Author’s Bio: Chiradeep Patra is a finance man who works in a NGO at Kolkata. He is a writer, motivator & counselor.